


A Hard Life

by eleuther



Series: Dear Friends [5]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Abuse, Again, Angst, Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mild Language, Minor Character Death, Multi, One of My Favorites, a homophobic slur towards the end, bens dad makes an appearance, hes not great, hurt ben hardy, its only half relevant to the story, not really - Freeform, semi happy ending, sorry - Freeform, this one hurts yall, youll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 09:30:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19170502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleuther/pseuds/eleuther
Summary: Ben’s hands shook as he put the phone down. He closed his eyes and rested his head on his hands, trying to get control over his breathing. This was not the time, today could not be about him.





	A Hard Life

**Author's Note:**

> READ THE TAGS AND END NOTES IF ANY OF THIS WILL TRIGGER YOU!!!! seriously this one is heavy and shit actually goes down and it kinda hurt to write but its also kinda my favorite part yet. the endnotes will be more detailed because of spoilers so read those, please. read safely yall!!
> 
> anywho, please enjoy!

**May 2018**

Ben’s hands shook as he put the phone down. He closed his eyes and rested his head on his hands, trying to get control over his breathing. This was not the time, today could not be about him. 

He was out. His father, the man who destroyed his childhood, is now walking freely. He felt all the walls he’d built through a lifetime of pain crumble.

Ben had been with the other three for nearly four months now, and he’s slowly trusting them with all his problems; his nightmares, his scars, his burdens. And now, as much as he wants to seek comfort from his boyfriends, he couldn’t.

Joe’s dad had died just two days ago, and he’d barely left their bed. He was leaving for the funeral the next day and then staying for a few more to be with his family. When he got back, Ben would tell them. He could act as if he had just gotten the call. He was an actor, after all, a good one at that. 

He stood in the kitchen, hands resting on the counter and eyes closed. He breathed deeply, hoping to stall the oncoming panic attack before someone came in.

“Ben? You alright?” Gwilym’s voice made him jump.

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine. Just didn’t get enough sleep, I think.” 

Gwil gave him a funny look; Ben knew he didn’t believe him. But at the moment it was all he could say. He gave Gwil a small smile and moved towards the coffee machine, dropping the subject. 

*

Rami and Gwilym had gone out to get Joe some last minute supplies for his flight, so Ben was tasked with making sure he took care of himself. Ben was glad; he was scared to go out in public and run into his father. He wasn’t sure whether he had changed at all while in prison, and he wasn’t too keen on finding out. 

But he could take his mind off it by taking care of Joe. 

“Joe, love. You need to eat. C’mon, sit up,” Ben coaxed. 

Joe ignored him and continued to lay staring at the wall. Ben stroked his arm lightly, hoping to persuade him to listen. 

Ben sighed; he hurt for Joe, truly. But he also needed him to eat. And bathe. And take care of himself. 

“C’mon, baby. Sit up please.” Joe let out a long sigh before shifting and facing Ben. The look he received from the redhead broke Ben’s heart, and he figured he could let the food wait in exchange for a little comfort cuddling. He set the plate on the nightstand and laid next to Joe, letting him curl tightly against him. He heard soft sobs start and Ben began to gently stroke his hair. If he let himself get a bit of comfort out of this too, well, no one had to know. This was about Joe, not him, after all. 

*

“Are you sure you don’t want us to come with you?” Rami asked. 

Joe shook his head and gave them a watery smile. “This is something I have to do myself. I’ll call you guys if I need anything.”

The three of them nodded, and Ben pulled him into a tight hug. He needed him to be okay. As he pulled away and let the others take their turn, he suddenly got the feeling he was being watched. His eyes scanned the airport, looking to see if there were any paps or fans around. They deliberately picked an early time to avoid them, but he knew it was inevitable sometimes. He saw no cameras or excited people looking to get a photo, but the feeling didn’t go away. 

“Ben? We’re leaving, come on.” Gwil tugged lightly at his arm. 

He took one last glance around, then looked at Joe going through security, before following Gwilym and Rami. 

_Probably just imagining things_ , he thought, but the feeling didn’t go away until they were safely in the car. 

*

_“Hey, Benny.”_

“Don’t call me that. Have you heard from dad?” 

That was the last thing Michael Jones had thought his brother would ask. 

_“No. Why do you ask?”_

“Just a weird feeling I got. Wasn’t sure if he would try to find or contact us.”

_“Hm. No, I haven’t heard from him. I can ask mum for you if you want?”_

“No that’s alright. I have to call her anyway. Might as well ask her then.”

There was a lull in the conversation. 

“Anyway, what’s new with you? I feel like dad is the only thing we talk about.” 

Michael laughed and they continued to talk. The uneasy feeling Ben had didn’t settle, though. 

*

It was a week later when everything came to a head. Ben was home alone, Gwil and Rami having gone to the airport to pick Joe up. Ben would have gone with them, but the uneasy feeling he’d had all week had settled in the pit of his stomach and he really didn’t want to go to the airport if he didn’t have to. 

So, he told the others he hadn’t been feeling well, and that no he didn’t need either of them to stay he was sure it was just a small stomach bug. 

He hadn’t moved from the bed since they left and didn’t plan to; he wanted them to stay in for the rest of the day and just laze around, watch a few movies, and maybe have some slow welcome home sex for Joe. 

All hopes of this were crushed when there was a knock on his front door. A bolt of anxiety shot through him; Ben knew Rami and Gwil hadn’t forgotten their keys and even if they had there was no way they’d be back yet. 

_There’s no way there’s no way there’s no way -_

He knew exactly who was behind that door no matter how much he denied it. He just didn’t know how he had found them. 

He debated the consequences of not answering. Whatever he wanted to say would be so much worse if he ignored it for too long, but fear kept him rooted in place. The knock’s got more persistent and he slowly got to his feet. 

“Open the door, Ben! I just wanna talk.” 

Ben snorted, _right. Just talk, like you “talked” my whole life. ___

__He felt like he was in a horror movie; slowly walking to the door that would bring his death if he opened it._ _

__He reached for the doorknob and flinched as he knocked loudly again. He really should just go back to bed and pretend he’s not home. Ben shook his head and opened the door._ _

__He’s not sure what he expected, but his dad looking like a normal middle-aged man was not it. He thought he’d look scarier, maybe have a sleeve of tattoos and buzzed hair. Like someone who really had just gotten out of prison. Instead, he looked like a father, and somehow that was worse._ _

__“Hey, Ben,” he said, giving a tight-lipped smile._ _

__“Hi.” Ben’s voice was hoarse._ _

__They stood and stared at each other for a few moments, no words being spoken. Ben hated it._ _

__“Are you gonna invite me in?”_ _

__Ben hesitated. “I don’t think I should.”_ _

__“Come on, son -”_ _

__“Don’t call me that. You don’t get to call me that.”_ _

__“But you are my son.” His eyes were wide, persistent and looking for forgiveness but Ben wasn’t fooled._ _

__“You never treated me like it. I was a punching bag.”_ _

__“You’re being ridiculous, Ben. Just let me inside.” His father was starting to get angry, but Ben was too wired to really see it._ _

__“I’m not letting you in. In fact, I want you gone.”_ _

__“I’m not leaving until you talk to me! Just let me in the damn house for God's sake!”_ _

__Ben shook his head and tried to shut the door, but his dad wasn’t having it. He just wanted to go back to ten minutes ago, when he was curled up in bed. Or better yet, he wanted to go back to before Gwilym and Rami left and go with them. His dad pushed on the door, fighting Ben for a moment before fully pushing it open, and Ben into the wall in the process. The man barged inside, face red and teeth gritted. He pushed Ben farther up the wall, arm on his throat._ _

__“I just wanted to talk, Benjamin. But you’re not making it easy for me.”_ _

__He’d forgotten how scary his dad could be, or maybe it was worse now because he had never been alone before. He’d never really thought about it, but his brother had always been there. He didn’t know when his boyfriends would be home, but he wanted this to be over when they did finally arrive. This week was supposed to be about Joe and helping him cope, not dragging Ben’s problems back to the surface. He wasn’t even sure he wanted them to know his dad was free anymore. Maybe it was safer for them not to know._ _

__“Are you listening to me, boy?” Ben was shaken back to reality by his father shoving him farther into the wall, knocking his head against it in the process. He hated the tears that sprung into his eyes._ _

__“I asked you a question, I expect an answer. Are you living here alone? Wanna make sure no one interrupts us.”_ _

__“It’s too late for that.” Ben felt both relief and terror flood through him at the sounds of Gwilym’s voice. The last thing he wanted was for any of them to know, but he wasn’t sure how far his father would have gone if they hadn’t arrived._ _

__“You have five seconds to let go before I call the police,” Gwil said._ _

__His father looked between Ben and the other three, seemingly weighing his options before letting him down. He slid right to the floor, legs not working and head spinning._ _

__“What’s going on here, Benny? Got some roommates? Or are you a fuckin’ queer now?”_ _

__Ben flushed horribly at those words; his father was one of the most homophobic people he’d ever known, a detail he had kept from his boyfriends. Granted, he didn’t think they’d ever be in this situation._ _

__“Excuse me? I want you out of my house,” Gwil said._ _

__“What are you gonna do? Hit me?”_ _

__“No. I’ll call the police, and I’m sure they won’t be too happy to have you back in so quickly.”_ _

__His dad looked livid and Ben really thought he was going to punch Gwil. Instead, he looked back at Ben once more, before storming out._ _

__The movement seemed to knock Rami and Joe out of their trance, and both men quickly rushed to Ben’s side. They reached to help him up, but he involuntarily flinched - rather violently - away from their hands. Instead, they sat next to him, making a small huddle in the foyer while Gwil presumably called the police._ _

__They sat in silence, Ben slightly in shock and Joe and Rami unsure of how to handle this situation. Gwilym came back into the room and joined them on the floor. Ben slowly turned to look at him._ _

__“The police are on their way. They’ll want to question you, Ben.”_ _

__They all nodded in response. Ben turned his head to look at Gwilym._ _

__“How did you know? That it was my dad?”_ _

__Gwil sighed. “You’re mother called to see how you were doing with the fact that he was free. I didn’t tell her that you hadn’t mentioned it.” He paused. “Why didn’t you say something?”_ _

__Ben suddenly found the floor very interesting. He didn’t have a plan for this; he didn’t even want them to know. And admitting that he didn’t want the attention to be taken from Joe was a little embarrassing, mostly because he knew Joe would be mad about it._ _

__“I-I didn’t want to worry you all. I found out only a couple days after your dad, Joe, and the last thing I wanted was to bring up my own problems while you were going through such a hard time.”_ _

__“Were you ever going to mention it?” Joe asked._ _

__“Originally, yes. But when he was here I kept thinking about how mad you’d all be if you walked in and saw him. And how I didn’t want you all to ever witness what he was like. I wanted him gone for your sakes more than mine.” He looked up at the three of them. “There’s always been this embarrassment surrounding him in my family, and I think that sort of clouded my judgment for a few minutes. To be completely honest if you hadn’t walked in I don’t think I would have told you.”_ _

__Joe reached out his hand again, and then moved forward more when he didn’t flinch. He grabbed Ben’s hand and held tightly._ _

__“I appreciate you trying to keep the focus on me despite finding out something just as traumatizing - no, don’t deny it,” he said when Ben shook his head. “That was traumatizing for all of us watching, but you just relived a piece of your childhood in a place where you should never have felt unsafe. I don’t ever want you to think you have to keep information like this from us just because someone else is going through something too. We’re a team, sometimes shit happens but we can’t keep it to ourselves. It’ll just hurt us in the long run.”_ _

__Ben nodded, eyes on the ground. He loved and hated this at the same time. It was great to have this off his shoulders; that uneasy feeling was finally dispersing. But Joe was still grieving, and yet here he was comforting Ben._ _

__“How are you, all of you? That probably wasn’t fun to come home to,” Ben said._ _

__“I should think not! Does anything hurt? He had you against the wall pretty tightly.” Gwil replied._ _

__“Neck’s a bit sore, but I’ve had worse. I think I’ll live.”_ _

__He scanned his boyfriends, eyes finally landing on Rami who had been oddly quiet through the whole thing. Ben lifted his arm, the one Joe wasn’t currently clutching like a lifeline, which Rami gratefully accepted._ _

__“What’s running through your head, Rams?” he asked._ _

__“Well firstly how you’re trying to comfort us when we should be comforting you.” They all laughed a little, but the tension in the room didn’t really go away. “And secondly… I guess I didn’t realize how terrifying that really was. When you first told me, as much as I wanted to strangle your dad I also couldn’t understand how someone could truly hate their own father. But seeing it firsthand - and that probably wasn’t even the half of it - it sort of put things into perspective.”_ _

__Ben nodded slowly, his arm tightening around him. His eyes met Gwil’s and he suddenly felt more at peace than he had in days, weeks even. This is exactly where he was supposed to be._ _

**Author's Note:**

> IN THIS PART:  
> \- violence  
> \- implied, referenced, and occurring child abuse. bens dad makes an appearance and it isn't fun for anyone.   
> \- a minor character death but it's not a major plot point
> 
> I think that's it but let me know if I forgot anything!!
> 
> also, please leave comments and kudos I need validation !!!


End file.
